Marriage or Staying Single? The Honest Truth After Having Kids

I got married in 2017. Today, as in 2026, after nearly 9 years of marriage, I have two kids.  There is nothing bad about being a rational and logical person, and here is what I feel overall about this after going through all of this experience in the last 9 years of my marriage. In this article, I will discuss whether you should get married or stay single forever.

How It Started – The Early Magical Days of Marriage

The first whole one or two years were absolutely magical, and to this day, I still feel happy that I got married to my best friend.  Since we had no kids, it was very easy to enjoy our freedom as a husband and a wife. We could travel together, plan spontaneous trips, and be together as long as we want.

Then, we had our first child, who was a girl, and it was the best thing ever happened to me since I was born. When I took her in my hands for the first time, I felt that connection of being a father. That feeling was divine, lovely, and miraculous for me at the same time. Because, before getting married, I could have imagined how my wife should be, but I never had imagined how my kids would be, and there is a reason for that.

Some feelings can never be imagined. If you are not a father in real life, you can never feel that bond or a relationship until you actually become a father, not even if you are a foster parent or you are a parent to an adopted child. Believe me, this is altogether a different kind of feeling to be a father.

Also, I understood that there is a different kind of happiness in having a girl child and a boy child. I learned this when I became a father to a boy. Being a father to a boy felt like an achievement, whereas being a father to a girl felt like nature’s divine attempt to uplift me.

Where It Felt Exhausting – The Challenging Days of Marriage

Having a child is a very lovely and heartwarming thing, but this happiness comes with a cost. Parenting and nurturing a child drain all of your energy to the exhausting point, especially for a mother. We could never be together as we used to be, and we could never go out on long trips due to our newborn children. We were always worried if their small bodies could endure such long trips, so we completely avoided long trips.

I was 25, and she was 24 when we got married, and if we calculate how much we actually enjoyed our marriage, then it only gives two or three years. Children usually need constant monitoring until they are at least 6, and they start going to school. So, even if I got married at the age of 25, my wife and I would feel relieved only after 13 years of marriage, by that time our son would be 6, our daughter would be 11, and my age would be 39, and my wife’s age would be 38. By this age, children won’t need constant monitoring, and we could plan more couple time. We had 5 years gap in both children as advised by doctors due to medical reasons.

I am not saying that I am not happy or that children are not required, but if you recheck the mathematics, it is also true that we could finally enjoy ourselves only when we are in our late forties, and that is a matter of concern for me. You will think, why am I detaching having children from my marriage because of this only reason, that yes, I enjoy having a wonderful family, but still it is also true that my wife was the only one who always took the hit and had to compromise for our happiness, and here is why I feel that way,

1. Yes, a father can handle a child (even babysitters can do that), but infants tend to go to their mothers only.
2. Even if a mother is a housewife, she has to endure everything, no matter how much a father can help.
3. I could plan a two- or three-days long trips or enjoy time with friends, but she never could.
4. So, for her, the first two or three years of marriage were the only years when she truly enjoyed marriage without any major responsibilities.

My Learnings from This Marriage – And Why I Couldn’t Do Anything About It.

There are multiple ways this could have been better and happier for all, especially within an acceptable age limit. According to my experience, the older you become, the more you get settled, and there is no more freshness, aliveness, or charm in your relationship. According to my experience, the upper age limit is 35 for both men and women. By the time many men and women realize this, it’s already very late.

I am not saying that there would not be any love after that age, but I am saying this because I am more focused on current experiences rather than how long this can go or future relationship goals. Take an example, my wife and I love long motorcycle rides. Can we do this when we become 39? Yes, but can it be more enjoyable if we could have done it in our late thirties? Absolutely yes. I learned that marriages are more about future goals than experiences, and if we fail to balance between experiences, timing, and responsibilities, it feels exhausting for both the man and the woman.

Here’s How I/We Could Have Done It Better and What You can learn from this

Get married early and plan to have children by the age of 30.

The new generation would say, “Why is it so important to have children at all?” Yes, it is not important. They will also say that there’s no need to worry about everyday life. Especially when you can enjoy yourself with your girlfriend or boyfriend before getting married.  But listen, I don’t believe in future planning in such a scenario. I don’t want to ruin my chances of enjoying marriage because of a girlfriend with whom there is uncertainty of getting married.

So, what I am trying to say here is, instead of wasting our precious time on an uncertain relationship, I would choose to spend quality time with my wife, which is a very certain relationship.

Thus, I should have gotten married early at the age of 22 and would have planned children by

the age of 28. This completes all our requirements as mentioned below:

1. Quality time with a loyal companion.
2. Certainty in the relationship so that I/she can focus on my career and finances.
3. Well-planned parenthood with complete enjoyment and freedom.

Get married early and plan to have only one child

This is very similar to the first plan, but you could have,

1. More freedom, since you are planning for only one child.
2. Better financial management in the future and more savings since expenses would be lower for a single child parenthood.

Get married and have no children ever

So many of you would think this is easy, but it is not. I believe when children are born, they deepen the bond between husband and wife, without which, according to me, a couple’s life would be boring, so in my opinion, at least one child is necessary. But if you are a couple who think that it is possible to keep that spark alive without having children, then it is an absolutely companion focused life-style you two would have.

Getting Married or Staying Single?

According to my experience of marriage that I told you earlier, you should never get married if

• You enjoy a lonely time.

If you naturally enjoy lonely time, then you can consider the idea of never getting married. Friends and family can give you privacy and space/freedom, but you can’t expect the same from your wife and children; they will be around you, whether you want them or not, and there is no choice.

• You want peace instead of chaos.

Wife and children are too much chaos, I’m not saying it is a negative chaos, but it is very overwhelming for peaceful souls like me. Literally, I will work 14 hours a day, but if there is too much drama, expectations, or emotional entanglement, I will simply refuse to comply. For me, communication should be direct and understanding, instead of her expecting me to understand everything without her saying anything.

• You want to hyper-focus on your health and career.

There is a reason I said marriage is too much chaos, and here is why. Bringing another human who has his/her own priorities and needs is very challenging in many ways.

When you are focused on health and career, and at the same time, you want to work, gain another degree, or go to the gym, you already have limited time. Say, you need to do this all in just 3 or 4 hours, and then it is also divided by your family.

• You don’t want responsibility.

1. As I said earlier, family is a responsibility that you cannot avoid once you get married.
2. When you get married, from my perspective, both the man and woman lose some freedom; they will not be free anymore. You will need to consider various factors, such as making a significant financial decision, pursuing another degree, or accepting a job offer in another city. In many cases, you will also have to compromise on your desires and opportunities.

• You don’t want others consuming your money and resources in the name of family.

Some of you will not agree with me on this, but it is true that, directly or indirectly, when you get married, your money and your resources are not yours anymore. Directly or indirectly, we manage those resources for our family.

• You want financial freedom.

Financial freedom can be defined as the capacity to make any financial decision at your own will without any direct or indirect external pressure. Marriage itself is very costly, then, you want to have a specific lifestyle for your children, their school, and then you choose to select a car, house, school, and everything else they need as per expectation of society. In my opinion, this is the most impractical phenomenon in every society. If I can live in a good house which is only 500sq ft or less, or if I can drive a 1500 cc 5-seater car, then why would I need a 5000 sq ft house and a 3000cc vehicle when I get married?

So, when you are single, you don’t get into such problems. Personally, I can live in a 300 sq ft. house which has TV, Internet, Bathroom, Water, and a car parking, then I can live all my life like that and would save or invest all remaining funds for my retirement.

• You want mobility to go anywhere and take any such decisions that may change your life dramatically.

Once I got a good job offer which offered me a 100% hike on my current CTC and a senior job role, but I couldn’t take it, just because it was in another city and we couldn’t shift, just because my daughter’s school. If I go alone, then I might be labeled as a bad father and husband who lives away from his family, or even worse, that I am abandoning the responsibility of my family.

• You don’t want to share your resources.

1. Ever heard of alimony? We talked earlier about the funds and resources we share when we are a family, but once we decide to break up? The husband has to pay a specific amount to the non-earning person.
2.  In many countries, there are gender neutral laws that allows right of alimony to the non-earning member, especially the one who has custody of the children.
3.  In many cases, a man has to pay this amount, and even worse, a monthly maintenance charge.
4.  I am not saying that, this is wrong, still, we are discussing whether one should get married or not, and we are not discussing whether alimony is required?

• You don’t want to compromise on any kind of freedom.

Men generally lose financial freedom, but women’s? They lose every freedom. If you are a woman, financially independent, then you can absolutely consider not getting married.

There are many variables based on which you should decide whether one should get married or not, but I have tried to give a basic idea from which you can decide based on your nature, requirements, and expectations from the marriage and the relationship.

You should get married only if

1. You know what the meaning of responsibility is.
2. Getting married is a real responsibility; it has irreversible consequences, and if it has real benefits, it has real dangers too.
3. You enjoy human connections.
4. If you are a social person, then you will get along easily with marriage.
5. You want others to be happy.
6. If you are a selfless person who enjoys when others enjoy, marriage will work for you definitely.
7. You have patience, no matter what, to get things done to the end. 
8. Trust me, marriage tests your patience at all levels and at every possible place. If you are not prepared for that, avoid getting married.

Conclusion

Whether to get married or stay single is a matter of choosing between freedom and responsibility if we try to define the question in one line. I think, if you love the freedom of going anywhere, anytime, doing whatever you want, then you should not get married. We should not mix love and marriage, and many people get married because they fell in love or they need love, but according to my experience, love is just an emotion in humans, and that’s the irony of love. That love doesn’t see circumstances, and you can still feel the love even after getting married or not, if you have an open mind and a heart.

I think staying single is the best option for everyone; it has its flaws, but it also has a touch of immorality. But sometimes the freedom we experience at the cost of morality is the best kind of freedom if immorality gives us wings to fly and morality a cage to settle.