There can be many setbacks in one’s life. You could lose a job, or a financial crisis, or a loss of a loved one, loss of a support system. These setbacks often come without any warning, and they shake you to the core. In this article, I will discuss why we face setbacks, if we can do anything to prevent such setbacks, and how you can build yourself against them, and how you can rebuild yourself when they hit you.
Setbacks can be defined as a reversal of a success accumulated over the years, in simpler terms That success can be your family, or a relationship, or a financial situation, or a career wherein you put your conscious support and effort to build and grow them, but eventually, due to some issues, all of your hard work sums to the absolute zero.
Why Setbacks Break You from My Real Experience.
I had put in years of hard work and dedication to build a career that I had dreamed of since childhood. Years passed, and it looked like I would achieve my career goals, but I failed. It brought tears to my eyes for the first time. But now, when I look back with more experience and maturity, I can easily point out why I failed and why it hit me hard. For reference, when this hit me, I was 19, and now I am 35.
- I had no guidance – It was like I was sailing in a stormy ocean, doing all my hard work, and had sailing experience (theoretically)and skills, but had no real-world experience.
- What I was doing was the first of its kind in my entire family and circle, so I couldn’t use their firsthand knowledge and experience.
- When I was about to fail, at the very last moment, I realized that I was not prepared the way I should have, and I literally miscalculated the depth of the ocean.
- My Imaginary World – I had created an imaginary model of my Abilities and skill sets without doing any real-world testing. Even more, I think I was overconfident about my abilities, forgetting the fact that there is always a bigger fish in the ocean.
- Lack of Focus and Consistency – Even if I told you I had an XYZ goal, I need to honestly admit that I may have had multiple goals in difference set of times in my life, which breached the focus and consistency required to achieve my life goals.
- I didn’t have Plan B, C, or D if Plan A failed – as I told you, I had created an imaginary world which was based on only the possibility that I would succeed.
I think this is why that setback hurt me the most and would hurt anyone else. It didn’t hurt because I failed; it hurt because I had nowhere to go after that, and maybe that is why we call them setbacks, they are unexpected and come with unusual, unwanted surprise, and they hit the foundations you are standing on.
To sum up, why do setbacks hurt? The cleaner answer would be that setbacks hurt because we aren’t planned and prepared for them, and they destroy our model of ourselves that I can never be unsuccessful.
How Can You Build Yourself for Any Such Setbacks
Once I was planning for a long 3000KM trip and was checking options to go there by road, by air, or by train. Air travel was slightly more costly than the train, but it was only a 3-hour journey, whereas by road and train it would have taken almost 24 hours. For the train, I was looking for 3AC seats, which have sleeper seats with Air Conditioning, but by air, I had to choose seats only, no sleeper or first class. All of a sudden, a thought hit me, and I was wondering,
What would I do if I had to travel to a destination that would take 20-24 hours by plane?
- I would choose the cheaper option of economy class in plane, because I cannot simply afford to travel in first class on the plane.
- Then, why was I choosing the 3AC class, which is similar to the first class in a train for a similar time of travel? Why would I choose a general class that has normal seats?
- Answer may be as simple as, because I can afford to travel trains first class, but it is not if we think deeply.
- I am choosing to travel in trains, first class, but in planes, economy class, for the same reason, because I am sub-consciously tagging airplane travel superior than the trains travel, and hence for me, plane economy class is justifiable, but train general class is not.
The moral of the story is that we tend to be selectively choosing standards and sub-standards where they matter and where they do not. Take an example of careers or relationships. We all have sub-conscious limit on how far we can go in careers and in relationships; you all can agree on this. What I am trying to explain here is that,
- If we fail to limit and correctly choose dreams, relationships, expectations, finances, and health, then I can guarantee you that you are going to have a setback in your life.
- Limit Expectations from Yourself First –
I am not trying to demotivate you, but if you want to avoid a setback and plan your life effectively, then this is how you can limit yourself.
- Understand who you are and what your background is first. Can the dream you have set be achievable within X number of years? If the answer is No, then you need to forget about that dream, and if the answer is Yes? Then ask yourself, on what basis are you so sure that the dream is achievable? Here are some parameters you can check
- Break your dream into several parts and steps. Say an example, you have a dream to be an aeronautical engineer? Then ask yourself,
- If you are good at Mathematics?
- Aeronautical degrees are costly. Can you arrange finances for the degree? If not, then what are your plans for finances? Are they workable in a given period of time?
If any answer is no, then you should limit yourself immediately. Remember, my example of the plane and train? Make a logical decision here, not an emotional decision, just because you dreamed to be engineer, doesn’t automatically mean you are going to be an engineer.
I am not telling you not to dream big or that nothing is possible; everything is possible. To explain this, I will give you one more example.
Imagine you are Elon Musk, and take into consideration that you have already developed a rocket to go to Mars. But I am giving you the goal/ dream of building a rocket system capable of going to Mars in 1 hour within the next 5 years.
Now think logically? Is it impossible? No, absolutely not, but it may take another 50 or may be thousand years to develop such a kind of rocket because of the current limitations of
- Chemical-based rocket engines.
- Speed limitations of chemical-based engines, no matter how much we develop more into such engines, they have reached a limit on how fast they can go.
- The funding requirement of such a project would be huge.
Same also true for your dream. Is it achievable? Absolutely yes, nothing is impossible, but is it achievable in the next 5 years? And that is a real question for you.
- Stay Away from Romantic Relationships, Lust, and Love until you succeed in Finances
If you ask me what the number one distraction is to succeed in your goal? Then it is romance, lust, and love. No matter whether you are a boy or a girl, this is true for almost everyone, and there are good reasons why I am saying this, based on my own experience.
Here are the goals I am giving you, if you want to succeed until you are 22. Because 22 is still a decent age to enjoy life, romance, and success.
- Start working out and building your body at the age of 14.
- Why am I saying this? Because your body is the only thing in your entire life that will be with you from start to end, till the graveyard, hence it is your number 1 priority.
- Learn to swim, car, and bike until you are 18. These are basic requirements, if you want to enjoy life when you are ready.
- Don’t have any romantic relationships until you are 22. In my experience, any relationships started before this age are not going to last anyway, so avoid this non-required drama and trauma, and save your energy.
- Build a strong network of friends until 22. These friends are not going to be with you anyway; only a few will be with you, and all will be scattered, but having friends at this age will develop your soft skills, which are required in the future.
- Read books across all genres until 22. Following only a book, or having only one set of opinions about life, is equal to facing life and all struggles without any experience. Reading books not only enhances your thought process, but they also help you win small and big battles.
- Develop your character, I mean, you should have your own thought process and identity. When you are winning or fighting or losing, you are going to meet all kinds of people, and time will come when you will have to decide for yourself, for people, on behalf of people, or you will need to lead, and people don’t listen to a person who doesn’t have their own character and thought process.
- Stay away from alcohol and drugs until you are 22
Believe it or not, alcohol and drugs are distractions and they are unnecessary and I will explain why.
- You will all agree that we all want to be happy.
- Then why alcohol or drugs? Do they make you happy? The answer is no.
- Even if they do make you happy, then you haven’t faced true human emotions that make you happy. Try this if you feel that alcohol or drugs make you happy
- Go to a park, find a lonely elderly person, and talk to them. You will know what living is.
- Ride a Bike
- Swim
- Go Hiking
- Eat your favorite food
- Watch sports in a stadium with thousands of people
These things, and many more human emotions, will tell you what real happiness is and why you should wait until you become 22. If you start drinking alcohol or doing drugs after 22, there is less chance that you will get addicted to it, based on my experience.
- Focus on your Education and Finances.
From my experience or my learning from people around me, I have learnt that numbers in education don’t matter unless for admission or for getting an education loan. I will recommend that you get around 60% throughout, but the maximum marks are the greatest chance of success. Here is why,
- The higher you go in education, the more schools and universities admit only people with good numbers since there are a higher number of applications.
- If you get a higher number à you get admission in a good school/college à you get better placement/job offer in a good company after completion of a graduation. à Companies pay higher salaries to campus hiring than to lateral hiring. For example, if you are a fresher, companies would hire you for 60K a year, but if you don’t go that way and earn experience for that job, companies may offer you that same salary, but after 3 to 5 years of experience.
So, if you are not from a rich family that can pay donations to colleges for your admission, then you must focus on numbers.
When it comes to finances, it is very good that you start planning them early, and here’s how you should plan them. I assume that you do not come from a very wealthy family that would support you in education or starting a business.
- First thing to do is to buy insurance for your family or for the people you are responsible for, because sudden medical expenses drain your wallet in seconds. Always be prepared.
- Start working as early as possible, believe me, if you don’t have scholarships, get any degree, if you don’t have money for education, instead of going for medical sciences or engineering courses, go for vocational/specialized courses, such as carpentry, plumbing, welding, fitting, electrician, mechanic etc., they pay more than you think, later when you start earning, you can complete your dream education.
- Start saving as early as possible, don’t buy anything expensive to show off, have financial discipline, and, more importantly, never use a credit card or take a loan in your life. Always remember that you should only take a loan to buy an immovable property; all other purchases, including a car, should be made in cash or from savings. At the start, small loans or credit card seems convenient, but the more you need cash comes you tend to borrow more from credit cards and loans, and you get stuck in a never-ending cycle of debt.
How To Recover from Any Setback
According to my experience in your life, there are only a handful of reasons you will face setbacks:
- Financial troubles.
- Relationship hardships
- Medical hardships for you or your loved ones.
- Legal Disputes
Believe me or not, you will never face any setbacks apart from those mentioned above, and I will tell you one more secret: all of them literally come to you because of bad finances or financial management. Here is why and how you can counter them, but before that, I will tell you my view on these problems.
According to me, if the problem is not directly linked to me, it is technically not my problem. I am not withdrawing from any family responsibility but in the end, you need to protect yourself if I am not going to save my family members anyway.
Financial troubles are the hardest setbacks to have in life because they cannot be solved with anything but money. If any such troubles come, there is no option to take a loan, borrow from family or friends, and that is why I said earlier, never take any loan for anything. If urgency comes, you can borrow from banks, family friends, or from savings. Financial hardships also come due to medical expenses, and that is why I said to avail insurance. Also buy insurance for permanent disability and critical illness, not just regular medical expenses.
Moral of the story is, if you want to get back from any setback, you need to be rich, very rich and that is exactly why, don’t wait until troubles find you, start working on it immediately, because money is the only thing that is going to solve all your non-emotional problems from your life, and when it comes to emotional problems, you need to be ruthless, there is no any place for soft minds in this brutal world.
