A Logical Guide – How to Find the Right Life Partner

How to find the right life partner? This is the second most asked question of mankind, after why do we exist? It is difficult for many reasons. It is like playing a video game with only one life; you will not get a second chance (I will get to that point later, about the second chance). I am not going to give you any generic advice, but I am telling you from my real experience. I am not a relationship specialist, but I am good at detecting patterns and understanding some complex algorithms. I am 35, and I am going to tell you my experience of choosing the right partner.

But to understand this first, you will have to learn some basics of dating, and I am going to teach you how to find the right life partner logically.

Understand how human relationships work

You will not believe it, but while learning how to find a life partner, you will have to first learn how human relationships work. Because if you don’t understand this basic concept, you will never succeed in relationships.

Acknowledgement -> Convenience -> Trust -> Relationship.

Now, let’s understand this step by step.

1. Natural Acknowledgement.

The first step of acknowledgement in human relationships is communication. This is a whole other topic called manners and etiquette. As a human, how are you going to understand another human? By verbal and non-verbal communications. People are going to get to know you from how you talk, how you treat others, and how you carry yourself. Humans generally/naturally don’t think that, I am going to be friends with this person. 

So, when you are in a society, you need to acknowledge every (not literally) other human and let them know that you exist. While passing by, maybe saying good morning, or just smiling. Many people don’t know, but this is how relationships start.  When someone is looking at you, nod, smile, or say Hi.

When you do these acknowledgements naturally, they build relationships, but if you try to force these actions, then people may get offended, so be natural. This way, you are positively, consciously Acknowledging peoples and your existence in the system. Thus, you are indirectly communicating to everyone that you are approachable.

When we start to acknowledge people’s existence, our brain learns something important. That’s how people respond, and this builds your confidence.

• Convenience.

When you start noticing and acknowledging people, by default, “your type” of people you are going to interact with you more. You need to understand the concept of the funnel here. By acknowledging people, you are, by default, filtering out people who are not your type. For example, let’s say you work in a company and you meet 100 people in a month. You did all these acknowledgments. What do you think, who will be more likely to interact back with you? The answer is ‘people like you ‘. When I say ‘people like you’, I am talking about all age groups and professions.

Thus , When you are going to interact with people, people will not just interact; they will ask questions, and you will also ask questions, and you both will get to know each other. When you get to know each other,when people naturally try to be convenient with their known person. They will ask you, can we play a game together? (If gaming is your bonding subject) Or simply they will ask you for anything, like a movie, tea, coffee, and so on.

• Trust.

When you are pre-relationship stage, as strong as your bond grows, trust starts building up. This is where you start to realize that this is going to be a good bond or relationship. By trust, I mean both of you start sharing your problems and happiness, knowing that you won’t harm them or use that information against them.

You start being with them even without asking for anything, you just do it.

• Relationship.

When I say relationship, I am not just saying romantic relationships; I am referring to all kinds of relationships. In many cases, relationships develop in the context of the environment. If you are from the same neighborhood, college, or school, you become friends; if you are from same company, you become colleagues. In professional setups like offices, it is harder to trust anyone, even in the gym, so it is harder to start relationships there. This is According to my experience with people, maybe I have trust issues; that’s all I can say.

In my opinion and experience, all relationships should be mutual and natural; you don’t have to nourish them at all, or there should not be any pressure of performance or ifs and buts, or conditions to survive that relationship. For example, this should not be like, if you don’t meet me daily, we can’t be friends.

Which is the best way to start a romantic relationship?

Now that you have understood how relationships start, let’s get back to the point. In my experience, the relationship that grows from a friendship to a romantic relationship is the best way to find the right life partner, and here is why,

1. The relationships that have the intent of romantic interest from the start (dating) tend to have pressure of performance, even if it may look successful in the start, but later, when things start to get real, all the parts of the relationship that were not real start to show their real face, and everything built around those artificial features starts to fall apart.
2. Friendships and undisclosed, non-committed relationships have freedom of choice, and both future partners have a chance to know real traits of each other before even relationships starts. So, if later in the future both of them decide to be together, the relationship won’t break apart based on the unknown secrets of each other.

I don’t believe in love at first sight; I know those are only chemical reactions in my brain. Even if I visit a doctor for some issues and without a diagnosis, if they start prescribing me medicines based on symptoms, then I don’t believe in the doctor either. So, for me, love is not trial and error, and let’s date her and find out if it works. I always try to find natural and genuine connections, even if it is just a friendship.

So, the moral of the story is, if you feel that she/he is the one, without even knowing their good and bad side, then it is not love but a set of chemical reactions in your brain, and here is why I believe that,

1. Our brain is the most advanced piece of machinery developed through years of nature’s research and development, but technically, it was built to survive and reproduce, so it is very good at making things up that are not happening around you, and we all know what drugs can do to our brain and how it can be manipulated through some chemicals.
2. If your love or intent is solely based on chemical reactions of your brain, then when the chemical starts fading away, your relationship may also start fading away. Say, you started dating a girl, just because she had good body features or say she was absolutely beautiful and fit, and for the sake of argument let’s assume that you both made it out till marriage, when she had two kids and as she aged her beauty starting to fade it out, in your case, it is very high probability that you will start missing her earlier version and that is right there mate, is the first crack in your ‘years old’ relationship.

And here is why the relationship, which is based on experience’s more likely to survive than a chemical reaction-based relationship.

1. It is a well-known phenomenon that experience in the human brain is a learning for our brain, which changes its internal structure completely, and it is nearly impossible to erase unless it is erased by some stronger experience.
2. So, when you invest in a relationship that is built around experiences and not chemical reactions is more likely to survive any ups and downs of the relationship.

How to find the right life partner

Now that you have understood how relationships work and what should be your base on relationship lets now understand how to find and choose the right life partner.

1. Have a big circle of friends.

Yes, this is the first step for many reasons. If you don’t have enough exposure with people of the opposite gender, then your senses and decision-making capacity would be very limited, and I will explain why.

1. When you have exposure to people of the opposite gender for a limited people then your views about the gender would be limited.
2. Based on one or two boys or girls in your group, you might believe that this is how relationships work or this is how the boys or girls are.
3. Remember, this article is about how to find a life partner and not about finding one night stand.

• Look for the natural signals and intent

1. Do they show interest? Or they are just physically attracted, or it’s just a fling?
2. Do they initiate even when you don’t?
3. Do they like spending time with you?
4. Are they psychologically comfortable to be around you? Or they are just obsessed?
5. How much time do they spend with you? Try a dinner date with them.
6. Do they value your opinion or just force his/her opinions on you?

• If you are a girl, let me tell you, if a boy falls in love, you will know it before he tells you, based on how he behaves with you.
• If you are a boy, let me tell you a secret. Check if she is willing to sacrifice anything for you or if she is taking or going to take any risk to be with you.

Don’t be too early or too late to confess.

When to Find the Right Life Partner

Look, I already told you I am not a scientist or relationship specialist, but here is what I have learned in my life.

1. Teenage love is a risky business because, as I told you, chemicals in our bodies are very high. Thus, people often make impulsive and regrettable decisions.
2. Instead of starting to date at an early stage, I must tell you, you need to increase your exposure to the opposite gender. Because, at this age, we all know nothing about people, we can go after looks, and that’s where you will get hurt.
3. I am repeating this because it is very important that human relationships just don’t work on looks and chemicals; they prevail on understanding, and in the real world, not the imaginary world inside your head.

So, find the right partner only when

1. You believe that you understand people better, and the opposite gender.
2. You have a positive mindset that you want the relationship, not because you are lonely or you want that girl or boy, but because you believe that you have a bond.
3. You believe that you can take emotional, moral, and financial risk of being in a real relationship that can hurt people and you.

What to avoid when choosing and finding the right life partner.

1. Selective Phishing – People get attached (One-sided) to some people just because they look attractive, have that car, job, or business, without even knowing them, and build their imaginary world around them, and try to lure them to be in relationship.
2. Having Many Casual Romantic Relationships, even if not at a time. – Nowadays, people go after the body count, flings, and casual dating, but I will tell you why this is not recommended,
3. If you want a sustainable, long-lasting relationship, never have many casual romantic relationships. Because the people who are looking for long and sustainable relationships, who want to build a life and family (not just family, a successful family), work hard to get financially independent, and they believe that having a good family is their duty, morally and religiously.
4. So, what I am saying is, the person who is looking for a good family-oriented partner is never going to select you for being immoral. Even if not immoral, having too many casual romantic relationships reveal crack in your mindset that you are never going to be serious in relationships.

Final Takeaway on How to Find the Right Life Partner.

I believe that relationships should be naturally formed, and they should not be artificially forced. Your best friend can be your best life partner. Yes, features are important, but loyalty and compatibility are also important. When I say compatibility, I just don’t mean that if she likes cricket and you also like cricket, you are matched. Compatibility goes beyond these dating terms. When you are compatible, and when you spend time together, you will know that your vibes are matching and you are feeling relieved of forced performance and feeling genuinely happy with them, and that’s when you need to choose and decide if that person can be your life partner.