The statement: she is not in your league or she is out of your league often said in conversations about dating and relationship by men. By saying this they are saying that there is high difference in terms of various parameters set by society such as beauty standards, social and financial status irrespective of mutual understanding and love.
This seems to be routine practice and harmful but it is very unhealthy to hold such standards for new romantic possibilities.
In this article we will discuss what leagues in dating actually means, why this standard was set and why it is baseless.
What Does “She’s Not in Your League” Mean?
The idea of leagues in dating can be defined as a classification system of individuals which are classified into various groups based on various qualities, as mentioned below.
Attractiveness: Often, we hear young people say, she is 10, or he is 9. When they say this, they are giving points to their level of beauty or handsomeness out of 10. The major difference in these numbers will be considered as a out of league dating. For example, if we say that her beauty is 10/10 based on her height and other beauty standards and his handsomeness is 3/10 based on his height and other standards then she will be considered as out of league partner for him.
Status: Status can be career status, financial status etc. If she is too rich or too poor as compared to him then she will be considered as out of league date. Education, family background will also pay vital role while considering status of individuals.
Personality: This will not be considered as deal breaker but in this context if she is too intelligent than him then same can also be considered as out of league partner.
Where Did the Perception of Leagues Come From?
Psychology of comparison: It is tendency of humans to compare. When it comes to relationships it becomes very important as relationships thrive on mutual interest, understanding and equality. Thus, in relationship whenever and wherever there is huge imbalance it would be alleged as incompetency.
Social Standards: In todays multicultural society every culture has its own standards, leading to this every culture have had different mindset when it comes to relationships. In the social context family background, education, financial status plays very important role.
Why This Is a Faulty Though Process
Beauty: as we all know that beauty is very subjective, what one person finds attractive and beautiful another person may not feel the same. Thus, it can be concluded that classifications based on beauty standard is completely baseless.
More Than Beauty: It is important to note that relationships not only thrive on physical attraction but mostly on mutual understanding, respect, values and other qualities which are not considered by league classification system.
How to Break from the “Leagues” Thought Process
Build Yourself – Building yourself up is the most important part to build self-confidence. Identify your strengths and weakness, hobbies, achievements, communications skills and make yourself happy. You need to work on your weaknesses to build yourself even stronger.
Change Your Thought Process- Stop comparing yourself, understand that everyone has their unique qualities even those which are considered as out of league.
Work on Your Communication Skills – Be a good active listener before you become a good talker. Effective communication can bridge the gaps between possible differences.
Value Her Choice- Relationships are built on mutual agreements, if she is interested in you and wants to pursue you as partner. Stop assuming that she is compromising her desires and requirements for you.
Handle Rejections Gracefully– Rejection are inevitable in dating, learn, work on yourself and move on.
When Leagues Thought Process is Valid
Leagues thought process is valid in Every situation which creates or may create relationship problems. Such as major age differences, major belief system differences. Major cultural difference can also create many problems for relationship. If sooner or later relationship is not going to work then it is wise to move on and save yourself from emotional breakdown or trauma.
Conclusion: She’s Not in Your League thought process is not required in any situation, if both individuals are ready to compromise, adjust and ready to work on required relationship goals then this is the risk worth taking. Differences sometimes can create strong bonds and relationships.
